Bill and Wanda’s Incredible Journey

Welcome to Mvula Part II.  How westerners should get on with Africans, when in Africa?  We asked Mvula for his advice.

He replied, professional skills are of interest, but personal friendship is the key. He stressed – make good friends of your colleagues, and your time in the African church will be close. The way things are done certainly is different. It certainly isn’t a round of get-to-know-you dinner parties! It’s more a case of neighbours turning up at the door to give you fruit. They sense how far you will welcome them into the house. In a way, is this so far from UK? When neighbours moved into the house next to us in October 2007, did we not give them “welcome” jars of homemade jam, and later lend them DIY tools?

Yet Mvula adds, it does go further than this. The initial welcome, if responded to, will lead to closer friendships. In his experience with Westerners in Malawi, we have to listen carefully, because this is where mistakes are made. At this second stage, your neighbours will talk about those things that are important to them, as would-be friends do anywhere in the world. And what are “those things”? Grandma needs an operation; the school fees have gone up yet again, how will they manage; husband’s job is at risk again; uncle is in debt, and is trying to get another loan but not able to return what he’s already borrowed. To think – this is about money – is incorrect. To think “we’re about to be touched for some dosh” is to short circuit the conversation and would draw a premature conclusion.

Mvula said he has seen many expatriate workers readily give to what are undoubtedly hard pressed families where just a £100 gift would make a big difference. But to give when you are not being asked is to deny the heart-to-heart nature of two families living side by side, each with their own distinct difficulties. It is to turn adult-to-adult friendship into donor-recipient dependency.

Mvula cheerily admitted, he could always find a good use for money back home should we want to give him some, but our relationship would change – and not for the better. He also said he saw some Africans exploit missionary goodwill, to fund their family needs, but this is not the norm. In some places, Aid Agencies have been too willing to make payments to get people to take part in development programmes. That then raises the cash expectations for the next set of foreigners. We wonder whether that is what we will face when we get to Kisiizi Hospital in SW Uganda.

However, Mvula adds “when sickness comes to a family, or death happens, these are open doors to friendship. Go in and pray with the family, or with your friend there and then. This is what will really be appreciated.”

Thanks Mvula – there’s plenty to think about here!